i just passed my 1st interview for my NOC application. the interview was a flop but i still managed to get into the 2nd and final one next week.. and if i really pass that, a yr from now i will be in shanghai, fudan university and hopefully will be there to catch olympics in china 2008 haha.. and y do i say it is a flop, basically, i didnt prepare for the interview at all and i just went there with an open mind.. there are serveral questions that i don even know wat i was trying to say.. i really feel bad that i didnt go there with ample preparation and it seems like i am making a fool more than anything.. nevertheless, i am grateful that they still accepted me..

i have my reasons of going to NOC. i think i need a change of enviornment, probably take some time off leaving singapore to sort my thoughts... things here are not exactly going fine for me and i think i need a new environment.. a yr could mean a long time but i guess that this 1 yr will pass very fast especially with the busy schedule over there.. hopefully, after this program, i will find new aims in life.. i will be graduating a semester later then the rest of my friends but i guess it will be worth it.. anyway i always think that i am one person who is very slow in learning and taking my time to complete my course would be a wise choice.. but of cos there are a lot of implications.. getting delayed, heavier burden, getting into the workfore later... i hope that i really make the right choice.. i am already a yr behind...

Really very grateful to yun to accompany me to the hospital for my x-ray and removing of my stitch today.. the wound is still awful as in i realised that i have a 'hole' that sunk into my flesh.. it was still bleeding slightly when the stitch was out but the nurse says it is healing well. so there is nothing much to worry abt.. the whole appointment took abt 2 hrs plus.. was thinking if i had wasted yun's time there.. at least for now i am certain that he is one friend of mine who is so willing to accompany me for a 2 hrs appointment.. during the waiting time , we meet a very interesting lady. i think she was eve-dropping our conversation and she suddenly just interupt us.. she was questioning y we were using chinese and english at the same time.. she rationale is that we should either speak proper english or chinses but not mixed them up like rojak.. haha.. and the most funny thing is that she got so excited talking to us and she used the magazine she was holding and whack me on my knees... haha.. that was quite an experience though...

had some disagreement with wm today.. he is one person who doesnt listen to others, or at least to me.. it may be too sensitive for me to say that he does not care abt me but the fact is he really don.. there was no signs of concern even when i was injured recently.. it was only a month ago and it is only exactly one week since i got discharged till now.. all that i really wanted is just some support or some words of encourgement but nothing came from him.. to think that he was still asking more from me.. and he really don know how badly i was hurt.. well.. and the worst thing is that he said he wont feel guilty even if i died when he was the one who instructed to go to fetch the mentees from bmss.. i am not sure if he really meant wat he said.. perhaps i am still very tramatised by the accident and i really feel that life is so fragile and it is not a joke that i may leave this world anytime.. but wat he has said and done really saddens me.. anyway he is still a friend of mine i promise and i will tell myself that i wont get affected because he is wat he is.. everyone is unique as he is and that makes them special.. or rather, if everyone is the same, this world will be so dull and boring.. if ever there is a possibility that he truely knows how i was feeling, i hope that he will not only be more sensitive to me but also to others, such as his gf.. i don know if i could change u, as i already said everyone is special, ironically, others are also different from u and i hope that u will learn to handle not only ur phlegmatical feelings but also others feelings for they may be more passionate than u.. so sorry my friend..

Today we brought all the BP mantees to sentosa. i was late initially but not to worry as the metees came almost the same time as mi. i was lucky that i still manage to catch up with them. the outing was quite fun in fact though i was just a station master. basically, i cant run abt due to my injuries so thats y i chose to become a station master... there was not enough time to complete all the games and thus only 2 groups came to my station. the first group was rather hyper though and that explains y they got 1st amoung the 3 groups.

Ber called me while i was waiting for them to check me out haha.. well i also missed the kr float presentation at ps, well i guess if there was no sentosa outing, i will definitly be there with loy. so pai sei...

talking abt bp mentoring, basically bmss is in a mess now. i kind of have the mind to go there and pick up the coordinator's job.. i hope that i can turn the situation around to make it better... on the other hand, i am scared that i might screw it all up... dilemma... actually i will feel better in bmss even though the students there are naughtier, more playful, more rebellious, more defient and don care abt their studies.. thats y the more i should step in and help them.. well thats the main purpose to join bp mentoring.. i hope that i can touch someone's life and hopefully i will change him. i am not asking for any gratitude but just for simple self fillfulment.. at least i can tell myself that i have tried and i touched others..

regarding nussu, wat wm say abt nussu was quite right. but my deduction is that nussu is spending their effort on the wrong stuffs.. instead of thinking how to improve their current projects, such as bringing rag to public, y don they think of how to improve certain Lts in sch? one of our engin lt doors don even have a handle.. and some of the lt facilities really getting old or even spoilt... nussu, the student body needs u.. instead of more bazzars and bashes, y not think of our welfare.. welfare as in not the diaries that u give or milo truck that u provide.. we just need more simple stuffs such as longer library hrs or more air con study areas in sch. taht will be more helpful in my opinion.. it is really impressive how influencial the student counsillor in other countries... for instances in Germany, the student council actually stage a rally against the government.. i am not trying to say that we should do the same against the government but my pt is that we should have more character and a firmer stand.. we are all to afraid to speak up and all too frighten to be different..